Tuesday, 31 January 2012


What else is there to live for? Stand at the window here. Was ever such a dreary, dismal, unprofitable world? See how the yellow fog swirls down the street and drifts across the dun-coloured houses. What could be more hopelessly prosaic and material? What is the use of having powers when one has no field upon which to exert them? Crime is commonplace, existence is commonplace, and no qualities save those which are commonplace have any function upon earth.

... fuck. It's... Sherlock. My ID number is [REDACTED], my squad name is, officially, the "Baker Street Regulars". I am, as ordered, reporting.

As punishment.

Due to faulty intelligence, our squad was deceived into thinking that 66342-O was some kind of mortal. That he was able to be killed. The lack of results, therefore falls solely onto me. I ask for the disciplinary hearing to take that into account. The fault was none other than my own Hubris. As such, I have been advised to... share absolutely everything that I know about David Banks, for, and I quote "Your own good, and your squad's. Unless, of course, Sherlock, you're as heartless as some of your reports paint you as~!". I have... chosen to take my Handler's, Writer's, advice.

David Banks and I have been in close contact for about three months. We initially met, at his bequest, within Location #45BnC, more commonly known as the Cafe Loop. From there, contact continued. Seemingly... somewhat... occasionally by what seemed to be chance, but what also may have been tracking on further inspection. I...

(I'm so sorry)

I was never told to cease contact with Mr. Banks, and the contact steadily became more regular and direct. More focused. There was an incident in which I was interrupted on... my way to a bridge. As such, we became what could be classified as "closer"?

... Under orders, I am to state exactly what the nature of this relationship is. The intention of this, so I'm told, is humiliation. As such; I have entered a close, intimate, emotional relationship with a direct superior. I am not of the same rank as him. I have "exploited" this position and intentionally kept it concealed from my squad and the public. I am aware of Mr. Banks' engagement. My actions have been described as those of a "concubine", and I am instructed to agree with this assessment. I am aware that my actions have been put on my record, and that I'm to await further instruction and punishment. I consent to whatever further action that can and/ or will take place.

I am also aware that Mr. Banks has the right to comment on this issue, but also am aware that he only has partial control over this situation. I have been advised to inform Mr. Banks that his input, however, will be taken into consideration. I consent to this information being recorded and filed in differing types of media. I consent t-to possible termination for my behaviour, though I h-hhave been informed such a decision is unlikely under the current circumstances. I cconsent to taking full responsibility for the failure of the assignment. I consent to demotion and-dd transfer.

... in other, happpier news, let's welcome an ollld friend of m-minee, The Janitor, t-to the Baker Squad. I do hoope the transfer wasn't too ttroublesome.

Aas such, I will continue my investigationn of the faulty intelligence. A-awaiting further orders.


  1. Oh, fuck.

    I'm hoping TMV knew about this...
    I'm really, really hoping he knew about this.

  2. Replies
    1. ... Darlin, I adore you, but what are you, twelve?

    2. You can't prove anything.

    3. Naw man, a TMI is if he said they decided to do a Static Round About with a Rumplestilskin and then did a Swedish Fish while also doing the Helicoptor Boogie and then of course followed it up with a mix of a Spider-Man Tap Dance and a Electric Slide...

      Oh and then filmed it and also added director's commentary and shared it.

      but you know. I guess whatever fits your comfort zone.

  3. Believe I will find somewhere safe for Fiametta to recover.

  4. I don't even know what a 'David' is, but unless it makes toast I don't really care.

    Also, this is why you keep your interactions with people simple. Either you throw a brick through their window or you stare at them confused until you decide to throw a brick through their window or not.

  5. This has really not been my day.

    First of all, I am unclear as to what their failure was. They didn't kill what can't be killed, and are held accountable because they didn't know he couldn't be killed? If this is common knowledge, why were they given the assignment in the first place?

    Second of all, this is quite an absurd punishment as well as nobody's business. I realize we're evil, but this is a little much.

    Third of all, Writer had previously transferred "Joseph" to my care, meaning that all disciplinary actions concerning him and not his squad should be done by me.

    Fourth of all, If anyone was being exploitative it was me. If I remember right, this was begun with writer's knowledge and permission, and "Joseph" viewed it as an act of diplomacy.

    Fifth of all, yes Ronan knew.

    Sixth of all, I have been known to make toast on occasion.

    Seventh of all, I still have something you want Writer. It doesn't seem wise to be hurting those of mine like you are. I highly suggest that you cease and desist before things escalate. Also, we still need to meet for dinner.

    Now excuse me, I have a fiance to rescue. So please stop making my life more difficult before I lose my temper.

    1. "I realize we're evil but still."

      Oh well that just makes it all alright then. Joy and cheering and parades. Go trip over a land mine you psychotic old fuck.

    2. Aw, David's having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. What a shame.
      (I originally forgot to put this as a reply, which is why there's a deleted comment of mine below.)

    3. Yes, David is a few
      degrees past crazy.
      Yes, he does horrible things
      to people, myself included.

      But TMV does not deserve it.

      Get him back, David.

    4. F-for the record, Sir, the order for me to "spill the beans", so to speak, wasn't from Writer. I-it would seem that his main concern was to get me through the night without being tterminated, hence aadvising me to do what the highers wanted.

      Ccconsidering your current absence.

  6. Joseph stuttering and admitting to being a concubine. This is, indeed, a post I wish I had read earlier.