Tuesday, 3 January 2012

My dears, it's been a while.

And I really, truly must apologize for my absence. Lord knows all you people do is sit about your computers all day and declare to the internet the vast depths of your sorrow and solitude. And as much as I take nothing but simple delight in your suffering (it's like a fine wine, you see - though perhaps whine is a better word for it - the more you allow it to fester in the darkness, the better it becomes. And the more of it you take in, the better the world around you seems to become~) I'm afraid I'm far too busy a man to really take time to savour more than the aroma.

Really, you're all much more interesting in person.

I suppose, though, before I continue on any further with my delighted little ramblings I should proceed with the evening's report. With my dearest "Joseph" currently... shall we say, out of commission after the events of the New Years party (which was simply fabulous, by the way. I observed perhaps fifteen minutes of the entire fiasco as little more than a wallflower, watching pure, blissful chaos unfold before my eyes. You really should have been there.) it's up to myself, the Handler, the babysitter, to provide you with a report.

"Joseph" (last name withheld), AKA Sherlock, squad leader, highly skilled hunter and exceptionally sharp tracker, sustained considerable injuries after the events of 31/12/2011. Four of his twenty-four ribs are cracked and countless more are bruised, leading to much difficult in both working and everyday tasks. His hands are heavily burnt, though only on the palm and the bottoms of the fingers, where he appears to have gripped something - or perhaps someone, given the maelstorm of a New Years party that he had put on. Many cuts and bruises also mar his flesh, though none are life-threatening. His nose possesses a slight kink and can be considered, if nothing else, the only blemish on an otherwise perfect face.

Estimated recovery time: 3-4 weeks.

A request for an official leave of absence has been submitted. Please consider the above and this man and his squad's immense talents while approving this request. Please also consider that I have reason to believe that he (and his team) will have no issues operating in his absence, and the backlog of work he is sure to receive is of no consequence. They have proved time and time again to be one of our best and brightest, and month long leave of absence will not hinder them in any way.

Now, onto more important issues.

I'm sure you've all been dying to know what I've been up to. Believe it or not, mes petits cheris, I do have other duties than stalking my beloved ex-partner and harassing Ms. Logan - though I do concede that they're the two jobs I take the most pleasure in.

Speaking of Ms. Logan~!

Gargoyle, darling, I really must thank you for being the shining beacon of hope and common sense in this dank, dark world. Your little analysis of Elaine was, as to be expected, completely dead-on and perhaps more well thought-out than I could ever hope to accomplish - if only because I'd have to break off mid-rant to allow myself a breath of air and perhaps a few remarks as to her ongoing relationship with my dearest Teller.

Do you really think he loves you, darling? Do you really think this is a man that is capable of love? That's capable of caring? Even if Spencer Fitzgerald shows some level of protectiveness for his disaster of a family, (and what a wonderful disaster they are, judging by their dear housewive's recount of their third collapse on record. Who knows how many times they've suffered through this unofficially~!) but what has he shown you? Oh sure, he's given you a home in exchange for a hole to fill and perhaps even whispered 'I love you's once - or maybe even twice - but think, Ms. Logan, really, truly think. I know it's a difficult concept for you, considering you seem to be unable to grasp the simple truth at your fingertips (And in no way is this clearer if you do not believe me in regards to Teller than it is in Mr. Broodmoor. You think his intentions are pure. That would almost be endearing if it weren't so idiotic.) but really, consider the facts. You've noted his paradoxical behaviour. You've seen how quickly he slips back into his biting, spiteful, cold, hateful self so easily. You've seen insincerity in his eyes.

You've chosen to block it all out though, haven't you~? Too scared, too terrified, too utterly petrified of the thought that Spencer Fitzgerald - that a frigid, self-centred, violent and clearly sociopathic if not psychopathic man - could really begin to love anybody? Especially you? You, who have time and time again failed them? The ones you held dear~? The ones you swore to protect? How long are you going to continue to lock away the truth, Ms. Logan? How long before you realize everything you've blinded yourself from and realize just




you are? The sooner you do, the sooner the rest of us can get on with our lives. You're a burden, Lainey, and you're too blind with emotion to see it. Too desperate to cling onto what little you have left in this world to realize that you're only being kept around out of convenience, out of the fact that they feel that they owe it to themselves to oblige you, out of the fact that you're useful - though don't go thinking you've got half a brain worth keeping in that skull of yours, Ms. Logan. The only uses people seem to have found in you are your money and your, shall we say, promiscuous nature.

Dwell on that. I know it's not the first time you've heard it, and you and I both know it won't be the last~!

As for myself, you'll all be pleased to know Rhodes and I have spent quite some time together. He's been in Montreal for the last few weeks with myself, discussing matters classified in nature. While what exactly we've discovered is, of course, neither my responsibility nor my right to explain, I can tell you that is it simply fascinating, and has the potential to usher in a new age. Forgive my melodrama, but I really am quite excited~! Such power is sure to make for a wonderful turn of events.

Oh. Oh yes. It's simply splendid. My dear companion has already spoken a bit of it, but with some time and patience we've managed to unlock a few more secrets. What follows will be... interesting.

For us, anyway~ For the rest of you? The Runners, the Stalked? Perhaps not so much.

Only time will tell~!

... Yes, in fact, this is a wonderful place to leave you off. I'm a busy man, after all. Things to do, lives to ruin and all that. My superiors have been generous with their assignments as of late.

No matter. Nothing but a little more blood to be spilled~!

Perhaps I'll wear the black suit tonight. I haven't the patience nor the time to be careful with these ones. Just some faceless, nameless squatters in a little city north of here. Runners, of course. No blog to speak of. Just two more souls adrift in the great white aether, little more than sacks of muscle and bone matter for this world to remember them by.

It'll be fun.


  1. For the record I do not sit about computers all day and declare to the internet the vast depths of my sorrow and solitude.

    That's only a small portion.

    The rest of my time on the computer is spent watching anime or @#!*% movies thank you very much.

  2. And once again, every possibility of me persuading Elaine to join the slender man has been demolished. Thank you very much.

    And I wouldn't spend too much time focused on those who are mine. Especially when one of yours is so... I don't actually know the word for it. Somewhere between vulnerable, naive, and willing.

    Just something to think about.

  3. For organization's sake, I'd suggest you get your own blog, Writer. But I have a feeling my suggestion will be ignored.
    I'm looking forward to seeing what you and Rhodes are talking about. A twist in the overall plot, I hope. It could surely use one.

  4. I'd argue, but I think anything I could say is wildly eclipsed by the loss you just suffered at the hands of a 'dead man'.
    How's it feel to lose so utterly?

  5. Oh goodness gracious, how I adored the little shin-dig you folks put together the other night. Of course I was not there myself, but the thing was fairly easy to get into indirectly...thank you for that insightful little night, then.


  6. Okay, wow. Whatever you guys are smoking, I think I fucking want some. Or maybe not. Sounds like it's got some right freaky side-effects.

  7. I'm surprised this dissection of character didn't leave a broken, suicidal shell of a person. She must have had a good number of people there to prop her up- I mean, support her in her time of need and pain.

    1. Right. Because the extremest of extreme circumstances driving me to do something like that is /obviously/ the same as a couple of douchebags talking smack about me online

    2. Deadpan snark does not exactly translate well over text, does it?