Tuesday 31 January 2012

(Cat on a Piano)

As "Joseph" has declined to submit a report, presented are Observations on his Status upon returning to the Cafe Loop. Further Observation has been deemed Unwise. It is unclear at the Present Time as to the Status of 66342-O. Draw what Conclusions you will from the Facts.

Observations begin.
Overall state of subject "Joseph": Bedraggled.
  • Subject seemed to be covered in both blood and what may have been crude oil.
  • Upon attempted inspection, Subject refused to explain the aforementioned crude oil and blood.
  • Blood did not appear to belong to Subject.
  • Subject was lacking one pant leg and roughly one-third of the lower portion of his shirt.
  • Lower portion of the shirt appeared to have been removed in an incendiary fashion.
  • Subject was carrying what appeared to be a length of bent steel rebar and a dead cat.
  • On further inspection the cat was not, in fact, deceased.
  • Said cat is currently occupying a lavatory on the second floor. 
  • Suggest avoiding the lavatory on the second floor.
  • A sign has been attached to the lavatory on the second floor, indicating the presence of the cat.
  • Subject had no observable wounds (lacking Thorough Inspection)
  • Subject seemed to display signs of Agitation upon arrival at the Cafe Loop.
  • Subject refuses to mention any details of the Incident.
  • Subject refuses to leave the third floor of the Cafe Loop.
  • Suggest Avoiding the Third Floor of the Cafe Loop altogether.
End observations.
.....-

Addendum: Thus far, the only words uttered by subject have been "Do not ask". When pressed with further inquiry, a rather large mug of coffee was observed to fly through the door, narrowly missing my head. Further inquiry was avoided for Reasons of Personal Safety.
.....-

19 comments:

  1. Dammit, Photo. I'll go talk to him...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Advise against this course of action.

      Delete
    2. I advise you to kiss my ass.

      Delete
    3. -bursts out laughing- Your team is the best entertainment I have these days.

      Delete
  2. You guys would make a great improve comedy troupe.

    See you around
    -Cage

    ReplyDelete
  3. This creature shows such insolence! When I demanded its name it merely gave some sort of contented noise and rolled over. I felt...strange. You should avoid it, it is dangerous. Some sort of hypnotic affect? I could feel my guard lowering just by looking at it.

    Would that it had a blade I would strike it dead instantly. As it is, I cannot without losing all honor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ... Cats are animals. Not intelligent. Just cute. Also vicious.
      Are you really that fucking stupid?

      Delete
    2. Check it's feet. Those sharp pointy things, those are swords. Have a feild day.

      See you around
      -Caged

      Delete
    3. Stay your tongue, wretch, lest I rip it from your throat.

      Delete
    4. I believe I will remove the cat from the second floor lavatory. For its own safety.

      Delete
    5. The Hypnotic effect plus a blade, may make it more than a match for even a mighty warrior such as you. A worthy adversary, but maybe... A Worthier ally? Perhaps you should make the creature your apprentice and teach it the way of the warrior.

      Delete
    6. I suspect you are making mockery of me. By all means, continue. I shall pay every word back with a cut. We will see how up to mocking you are after that.

      Delete
    7. Who, Me? Never. I would NEVER make a mockery of such a worthy warrior such as yourself. Your keen mind would no doubt realize it and respond with a word as cutting as your blade.
      Realize however, that you may be underestimating the skill of this creature. It could best you easily if you let your guard down. Be wary, brother.

      Delete
  4. Jesus FUCKING CHRIST don't hurt the cat you fucking psychopaths.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I want to play with the cat. Also, might someone retrieve me? I seem to have burned myself a bit. I seem to have... how to say? Passed out for a moment? After my report.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Rule of Cute applies here, I suppose.

    ReplyDelete